Hurricane Totters Expected, and The Judicial Reforms of AVB

Another week of Tottenhaming where we’ve not made too many splashes, what with us being out of the Lager Pot and all. We’ve not had any pictures of one of our number stumbling out of Faces on the arms of one of the TOWIE’s, or even a bonkers quote from one of the staff to cringe over, so it’s been left to our contemporaries to keep the headline writers in a job; most notably, old Jonathan Terrance.

Are there any words we’ve not yet used to describe our nations Captain and former Dad of the Year? I like ‘putrid’. It’s not used enough for my liking, and certainly springs to mind when I’m unlucky enough to catch a glimpse of him staring out at me from the back page of another commuter’s currant, or to overhear his name uttered by some news outlet or other. Whether he’s guilty or not, I’ll let the hastily deleted video evidence speak for itself. Most ludicrous of all was 80’s teen heart throb Rick Astley, aka Ond-resh Vee-Ash Bow-Ash coming out and saying ‘’He’s said he didn’t do it, so the matter’s closed’’. I applaud Mini-M(ourinho)e for his calm and reasoned logic, and look forward to his approach to judicial procedures being adopted by legal institutions throughout the world.

Judge: Says here you’ve committed several brutal murders and there’s a stack of evidence to prove that you’re indeed guilty. How do you plead?

Defendant: Not guilty.

Judge: Fair enough. Sorry to have wasted your time chief. Everyone go home, it’s all sorted. Case closed.

Subject to his ‘head being right’, or other equally limp reasons we’re sometimes given for footballers not doing their jobs, alleged abusee Anton Ferdinand and his hoopey friends at quipper will be showing up on our doorstep Sunday afternoon. It won’t be a slap up roast they’ll be after though, oh no, they’ve got a taste for that most rarefied of all the dishes from the top table, of 3 away points, following their unlikely victory over the aforementioned and his deeply unpleasant orkine bretheren.

In all honesty, their victory last week came in the eye of a perfect storm- being (rightly) awarded an early penalty, a disciplinary implosion from a side that are always capable of their snarling physicality spilling over, but rarely going the whole way, followed by a desperate rearguard action (not a reference my own Sunday lunch efforts) to hold on for all 3. Anything less than Hurricane Totters destroying their green shoots of optimism come tea time, and we’ll all be most disappointed. Their form so far suggests they tend to win small or lose big. I have a feeling it could be the latter, and Ade to get back to scoring form. He’s not scored for, like, 4 league games. Don’t give me all that assist and movement rubbish, any more non-scoring and he’s getting an almighty booing. It’s only fair.

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van der Vaart? van der BRILLIANT, more like

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Another dog of an opponent and a dog of a performance, but not for the first time, we were resilient (lucky) enough to sneak out of there with 3 points. On 90 minutes, it felt like we were being beaten in every way a team could possibly be beaten… other than in the way that matters most. An equaliser would not have been unjust, and if that’s a group of players who don’t fancy putting in a bit of an effort for Steve, I’d hate to see them with their blood up.

Horrible and heart-stopping as it was to watch an aerial bombardment follow every set piece or sloppy foul conceded, imagine if someone had told you in the mid nineties that Tottenham would be 3-1-1 from their first 5 away games of a season at potentially tricky, craggy northern outposts? Whatever your thoughts on the man, Harry deserves a lot of credit in instilling ‘mental toughness’, and other such immeasurables. More credit has to go to Van der Vaart for yesterday though, his class making a match winning difference.

As far as I’m concerned, he should play in support of Ade whenever fit and available, no matter what the form of the flag botherer. That’s because, simply put, he’s a better football player; a special talent I’ve heard mooted in the last few days. A bit twee? Yes? Spot on? Yes. He’s scored the opener in our last 4 league games, 3 of which have been away from home. Any lingering thoughts about him being a luxury, a tactical conundrum, or in any way dispensable at this stage are well wide of the mark. But what was the blood on his neck all about?

Also, Bassong as a long-termer is looking less and less likely. He might need to get through QPR at home on Sunday, but let’s hope that after that we’ve got one of Dawson/King/Gallas available for Fulham away and beyond.

Slackburn RollOvers

I’m becoming further convinced with each passing week that Harry and the headline writers are the antithesis of footballing symbiosis. Harry can’t fart without the papers doing a 4 page spread dedicated to its various intricacies, just as Harry himself appears averse to diplomacy. The oracle has spoken and the verdict is in. Foreign ownership= bad. All things disrupting the status quo= bad. A peanut for the dancing monkey. Mr No Nonsense Englishman with your half-time cuppa  sir, what do you think of foreign ownership and their plans to scrap relegation and promotion? *jig jig jig* Not for me, nah, won’t work will it?

Poor Harry, hoisted by his own ability to summarise a complex issue with a string of hesitant monosyllabic responses, yet somehow put it all in a perfect bite size press nugget. Still, I have sympathy; rather that than bland clichés. His celebrity has grown to a point where he’s asked on everything, and it’s recycled to the nth to reach a point where us Tottenham talk trawlers are treated to a new viewpoint on a daily basis. We now cross live to Harry for his thoughts on Gaddafi’s demise, and reaction to last night’s dinner. Happy to oblige.

Blackburners away then. Winning run put to bed by a combination of poor decision making, and a lush hit from men who’ve never really managed to build on the promise of their early careers, what better place to get back on track than at bottom of the pile Rovers? Let’s face it, they’re bobbins, and will almost certainly go down unless the Indian Bernard Matthews give the Steve Stone look-a-like the heave-ho before too much longer. The only way they should be able to compete with us is physically, but with Parker and, almost certainly, Sandro in the middle and Kaboul at the back, I can’t see us getting out-muscled by anyone, and we should have way too much for them.

A good night’s work in the Ropey then? Carroll was rather good, Lennon got better as the game went on, Giovani looked OK, Defoe was offside a lot, and Pav’s goal was a beaut’. I had a ticket, but when the offer of a score in exchange for it came in, I couldn’t say no. WHL is a special place when it’s full and there’s any sort of ‘bite’ in either the crowd, lilywhites or the opposition, but having sat through Hearts and Shamrock already this year, I was more than happy to switch on the gogglebox and enjoy it in (channel 5) HD with tea and a pack of fig rolls. I even wore slippers. What have I become?

A Trip To Toon Town

Alright etcetera

*insert moan about the international break*

Now that’s out of the way, we’ve got a game involving the Totters on Sunday, and I for one am not overcome with optimism. Maybe it’s the increasingly chilly Autumn days, or the fact my local High Street has become over run with pet retail projects for the #TOWIE gang that’s got me in a bad mood, but Sundays coach trip worries. It’s probably neither of those reasons as it goes, my reluctance to predict a positive outcome probably stems more from Hotspur related factoids than the inclement weather or vanity employment.

My tempered words upon conclusion of our summer business were as follows:

‘’Adebayor…pretty much walks in as being the first name on the team sheet. Picture this though…he’s on the end of a crunching challenge and he gets his leg broken. What are we going to do now? Defoe and Pavlyuchenko to carry the responsibility of getting our goals? Verdict (on our forward positions): Improvement, as long as Adebayor stays fit.’’

Tool-ey quoting of myself aside, he may not have had his leg broken, but it certainly looks as if the hammy he picked up against the Wanderers will keep him out against the Toon, and even if he does play, his mobility is bound to be tempered and is a risk for a full on tear… leaving us to ponder Defoe and/or the Russian to perform different shades of uselessness in lilywhite, especially as VdV also looks a doubt. There is no plan B. We can’t even call upon Crouchy. Either Adebayor is fit or we’re unlikely to pose much of a threat, and it’s games like this where the gloss of the flashy goal bagging toy boy quickly disappears, and where unbeaten stretches are thrown into far more forensic arenas.

The news that Sandro will miss out as well doesn’t do us any favours, as our plans away from home, formed around Parker, a man we seem determined to run into the ground, seem to be to stay ‘gritty’ and provide shielding for the CB’s in the middle, whilst relying on a flash of magic from one of Adebayor, VdV or Bale to win the day. At least there aren’t any question marks over Gareth’s involvement.

Newcastle have been on something of a roll themselves this season. Despite not playing any of the likely ‘top 4’ (yes, I know they played the Wanderers on match day 1), a seven game undefeated run in the league is not be sniffed at. We all smiled wryly, as their game at Villa Park was billed as (possibly the least convincing) 2 undefeated sides going head to head, but far from fading from that potential high, they’ve got some good wins and looked to have strengthened to the point of not being relegation fodder. Our own 4 game winning run probably holds the same level of fear for them, but aside from a very good showing against Liverpool and excellent first half at Wigan, we’ve spluttered rather than sparkled through the other 2.5 games in that winning sequence, with the NLD being a triumph based on better playing staff and greater belief, rather than the tactical out-foxing bamboozlement we all hoped for.

Assuming all the doubts don’t make it, and assuming we’ll go with Defoe on his own up front, I’m going to guess a 4 (Walker, King, Kaboul, BAE)- 2 (Parker, Livermore)- 1 (Modders)- 2 (Bale, Kranjcar?/Townsend?) and said offside flag botherer.

Given what we’re missing, I’d be happy with a point.

Tottenham Beat Arsenal *sigh*

Job done. A routine victory against inferior opposition? No way. It’s never routine.

First things first. That formation wasn’t particularly clever, bearing in mind we were lining up against a team of decent technicians who play with 5 across the middle and like to move it about. I sort of got the logic in that we were at home, and the onus was on us to be positive, but looking at it made me knackered on Parker’s behalf before a ball was kicked. By the time he was finally spared doing overtime, the guy was dead on his feet, and if he’s overloaded like that much more, we’re going to break him.

Today, 4-4-2 looked positively prehistoric, and should be a plan B at best, with Defoe being the man to miss out, and VdV, the better footballer, playing behind Adebayor in a 3, in front of Parker and Sandro. Indeed, the only time Rafa broke away from his nominal right-wing shackles, he found himself on the end of a lovely ball from Adebayor to score the games opening goal. There were times in the first half when Arteta had so much space to drift around in, we made him look like bleedin’ Fabregas. THAT’S how bad that 4-4-2 was.

We won this game, not by out-playing or out-thinking them, but purely because we had better players, in better form playing with greater belief. A ravenous home support may have also helped.

5 years ago I’d have taken any kind of victory against this lot. Not today though. It was the best opportunity in recent memory to really establish ourselves as the dominant force in our corner of London, and while it would be hard for anyone to say we’re not in front of them at this stage, the seismic shift that could and should have occurred today will have to wait for another time. Which is why this victory, while excellent in all it’s pointleyness, is tinged with just a little regret.

Still, nice hit from Kylie.

Crash, Bang, Wallop! What a Derby!

Having read back my pre-match ramble for what turned out to be the 3-3 game last year, I was tempted to copy, paste and pass it off as original work. Not just because I’m a lazy sod biscuit, but because it’s still relevant. But I won’t. You can read it HERE if you like though.

So we rock into this fixture as favourites. Something that hasn’t happened since… that 3-3 last year actually, but if you believe the hype, it’s been a dogs age since such a footballing planetary alignment took place. Unbeaten since 2009 and 1 defeat in the last 6 means we’ve rightly earned our mantle.

Anyone see their last away performance? Blackburn are a terrible side. The arse were worse, and if they’re even twice as good as they were that day come 4pm today, we should win handsomely. Tempting as it is to write them off however, they’ve still got a couple of lads that, given the opportunity, can hurt us, and we’ll need a Liverpool-level performance to win this. Van Persie needs isolating, and a 5 man midfield of Parker and Sandro holding, with Gareth Van Der Modders supporting Adebayor should achieve just that, causing them more than enough problems in return.

Their other remaining bastion of all that it means to represent the goons, young Wilshere has been rushed in for emerging facial surgery to try and prevent his incessantly lolling tongue escaping his mouth completely. Jackson, for those of you who haven’t read any of his 140 character witticisms, has been known to have as many digs at Tottenham, as 4 letter tirades at taxi drivers. Fair play though, it’s been a while since there has been such a partisan employee on their books. It makes it a lot easier to dislike him, and I for one will miss a bit of the pantomime these types bring to the table. Still, I suppose it means there’s now even more stage for our number 10 to perform upon.

Speaking of receptions, and pantomime villainey, a little bird tells me that the unspeakable one will be performing punditry duties for the sky sport screeneries. That’ll be… nice.

3-1 to the Totters.

Wigan Combed Over

And the Spurs go marching on.

There’s something very unnerving about being widely tipped to win a game of football as a Tottenham fan, especially when that game is away from home. Even Mark ‘Lawro’ Lawrenson had us down for a win.

The first half was, at times, luscious. Illness/headphone related injury had ruled Defoe out of action before KO, but with Rafa ready to step up to replace him; it meant that on paper, it was probably our best side. Personnel wise at least, if not formation fluidity wise. Not that we showed any signs of struggling with a newish set up as we set about proving that sending out quality footballers with a will to win generally gets the job done.

Bale was excellent for a second game in a row, appearing to have remembered that running at defenders usually equals chances for us, and his glanced header was a thing of beauty. Sandro still isn’t fully fit, but showed enough to remind us of what he’s all about, and Captain Combover had the most touches (106) of any player in the Premier League this weekend, according to Garth Crooks and his team of the week. I’m no fan of stats, but that one summed up nicely the effect he’s had since his arrival.

Modric was quiet, having been deployed at right of centre, we were unable to fully adapt to Wigan’s half-time shuffle, and we didn’t really figure out how to play against 10-men for the second week in a row, are mere grumbles and not anything to lose sleep over. We’re nicely poised for a good go on Sunday. Interesting will be whether Sandro makes do with a start from the bench, what with it being a home game ‘n’ all, or whether Krankie and Defoe will return for VdV and the blue haired beast.

One other thing that caught the eye this weekend. Following our erstwhile goal getting umbrella man scoring against United on Saturday, young Crouchy, having missed a couple of other decent efforts by all accounts, made the following snarling, ruthless and vitriolic statement:

‘’I could have got the winner, but then you can't be greedy’’

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.