Just What We Swan-ted

Oh yes, I do word play too.

Like an estate agent trying to convince you to part with more money than you’re comfortable with, I’m here to tell you that the ‘green shoots’ of recovery have poked themselves through the wasteland of our March into the abyss. While all 3 evaded us at the Bridge, seeing the players trotting out with those most precious of commodities; a plan, and a clue; was a welcome relief, and Tuesdays professional looking job against the veiled Trotters was another step on the road to redemption.

We looked like the side we were at the start (not the VERY start, obviously, but post-Parker) of the season. The ability to pick off sides who came to stubbornly sit down on the goal line and not budge. It was the anti-Stoke performance, which was a horrible watch. Like going back in time… and not in a cool way, like going to the Enchantment Under The Sea dance, more like going to Jurassic Park when pea-brained monsters dicked over Attenborough’s fancy gizmo’s and human brain technology. That sort of thing.

As for Swansea, I don’t believe they’re capable of being horrible, and could be the perfect opposition for a Spurs team clawing their way back to form; a side that will come and play football. Brendan Rogers strikes me as a smart and hard nosed chap, but The Swans are set up to play; not usually a recipe for cooking up 3 points for an away side with a reservation at the White Hart Bistro. Owen Coyle, in charge of Burnley a couple of years back, was renowned for playing football despite the size of the opposition. We won that one 5-1. Pardew had sniffed too many fumes and begun to believe his ‘realistic candidate’ England manager talk to the extent that he sent out his rag tag mob to go toe-to-toe with what we had. He was wrong. This is why teams don’t come to the Lane to play football. Brendan Rogers will know this, but I can’t realistically see him having the personnel or the  wit to out do what we’ve got. Send the Lilywhites out with a plan of action and we should win this one at a canter.

4-1 to the Spursers.

Tottenham Do Football Good Now

You slaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag

I've seen some shambles in my time, but the trip to woolwich, the limp-wristed efforts against manure, and last weeks bungle in toffeeland will take some beating. Saying that we've lost the plot recently would be a tad generous. It implies there was a plot line to be followed in any of these games, other than 'let's throw 11 footballers onto a pitch and hope they're better than the other lot'. Is that a plot? It's a really crap one if so. If it was a soap, it would be the equivalent of sending out a bunch of actors to shout at eachother until a storyline developed.

Basically, we were EastEnders.

We should at least be aiming to be 'The Bill', or something of equal calibre. Is 'The Bill' even on any more?  Either way, we were rubbish, and Harry's exasperated lamentations on how we didn't manage to win a game we were clearly so terrible in last week smacks of a man desperately trying to deflect attention from his rapidly fading allure, and recapturing his lustre of a month previous, when all and sundry had effectively clubbed together to make his 'Harry Redknapp- England Manager' gold plaque, and hang it on his Wembley office wall. I wonder how many 'We want you to staaaaaaaaaaaaay's we'll hear tomorrow?

Bolton then, and even the 'let's throw 11 footballers onto a pitch and hope they're better than the other lot' should work, like it did against Stevenage, purely because Bolton aren't very good at football. However, what would be even better, and just because I'm a fan of watching my team look like they've been dosed up with 'clue medicine', would be to see us set up with a plan of how we're going to go about winning. Even nicer would be to know that if Plan A doesn't work, that we'll have the wherewithal to try something other than wing switching and doing 'hoofs' up the line to their full backs. It's not exactly moon on a stick stuff, just a decent formation and properly instructed ball kickers.

Let's start doing football properly again.