Anyone For Cottaging?- Fulham In The Cup

West London calling for the Totters this Sunday, another F.A. Cup romp to look forward to at Mohammed’s public lav Cottage. We’ve been here once already this season, Bill Gallas and his star jumps in an offside position were enough to distract a linesman and their net tender to ensure 3 away points. It’s also a re-run of last seasons quarter-final in this very same competition, our Pav-inspired lads finally getting the better of Uncle Woy at The Lane in a replay. I can see this very scenario playing out again this time around.

In transfer news, we were led to believe that Thursday was to be the big one. Biggest day of transferring to date they all said. Forlan, Suarez, Fabiano and any other number of names that sound a bit like they’ve come straight from an exotic cheese counter were expected to roll up to The Lodge, hold shirts with numbers akin to their k’s per week and tell the official site how they can’t wait to get started. Alas, no such events have occurred at the time of writing and the faithful are becoming restless. The ITK’s have gone awfully silent.

The Guardian’s Ian Prior yesterday tweeted to the world that we were assured of MASSIVE Spurs related transfer news and that all would be revealed at 5:30pm. Despite the fact that no journalist worth his salt would ever delay a big announcement for fear of a rival stealing his thunder, the eventual story was a rehash of an article I read back in November after we’d beaten Inter at The Lane. They’re preparing a summer bid of around £40m… and Real Madrid are also a bit interested. Even funnier than this however, was a Daily Mirror hack chiming in saying that Prior’s obviously got a reliable source in this one… ‘WE DON’T JUST MAKE THIS STUFF UP YOU KNOW!’ Learlz.

Like a stiff upper lipped Englishman aboard that famous ship that sunk a while back, I can but appeal for calm. As somebody wisely pointed out, our transfer window tends to span from the morning of 31^st of Jan to whatever time the window shuts on the same day (and a few minutes beyond, some cynics who know the inner workings of fax machines will tell you). In true Garry Kasparov style, I image that Levy has got his pieces in place, ready for another deadline day check mate to propel us back into contention in a season that needs a spark. If anyone can, Danny can.

Do You Know Your History?- How Andy, Richard and Rupert Invented Football

L-R Rupert, Richard and Andy

It’s a Sunday afternoon in the late 1980’s. Keys and Gray are watching the Chomley Knickerdraws take on Flangey Hopscotch in a game of thumpbag. The game, spanning the entirety of Hampstead Heath and involving approximately 84 squires per side, had entered it’s 4^th and final day (this is where the term ‘Super Sunday’ comes from) with the scores tied at zero all. Struggling to keep pace with the action, and despite it often being trite, repetitive and downright incorrect, the two friends tirelessly continued to pass comment as the events unfolded. When the game was finally abandoned, following Gentleman Jim Jamtodger being struck down by an errant and seemingly rabid owl, the two chums retired to the ‘Washer and Iron’ for a well earned Light and Bitter to analyse the encounter and swap cutting edge mother-in-law and period gags.

                                                                                           

On the way however, they encountered a vagrant by the name of Rupert who was armed with a gun full of vision and a pocket full of dreams (and acorns) who had overheard the 2 friends and believed their combined powers of ruthless ambition and penchant for puking up thumpbag related trueism’s could make them rich beyond their wildest dreams. Using a series of diagrams drawn onto discarded Ribena cartons (for these were the days when giant iPads were as far fetched as talking robots and female motorists), Rupert outlined his plan to the 2 friends.

First was the radical reinvention of the thumpbag itself. Rather than a collection of broken vinyl records, held together with pomade, blu-tac and the dreams of orphaned children, wrapped in a hessian sack, it would be round, non-pointy and made of cows. The Heath would be abandoned in favour of flatter plains with white markings to control the action, and a limited and equal number of men were to be deployed on each side. They added up their combined charges of domestic violence and the magic number was 11. The crude trenches dug into the ground to represent a ‘thump point’ were replaced with what we now recognise as ‘goals’.

Over the next few years, the three men worked tirelessly on polishing the finer points of the game and gaining funding for their venture. Pivotal in the plan was acquiring the services of a nuclear physicist and a quantum mathematician to devise the offside rule, relayed back to the trio in a way that only the massively superior male brain would be able to fathom, with the frontline duo being the only people on the face of the Earth that categorically know the REAL rules.

And so it came to pass, that in 1992, Sky invented Football.

All was rosy in the Sky Sports garden. Keys and Gray were allowed to carry out their roles without question or reproach, no matter how many inaccuracies they continued to pedal. The public were happy and felt safe with their on screen embarrassing uncle type and token Scotsman, following broadcasting code throughout the nation (Scottich accent = VAST football knowledge).

But cracks had begun to appear. Reneging on their gentleman’s agreement, Rupert began to employ non-male (female) staff. At first it was just a few runners and boom operative’s to give the duo something to look at between compiling lists of ‘clever gamesmen’ and ‘diving cheats’, but in time, there were even women appearing ON CAMERA on the 24hr  Sky Sports News channel. In an attempt to reassert authority over this rebel uprising, they would attempt bonding exercises with younger male counterparts by using the sexual colloquialisms of today’s youth that they’d picked up from various online resources, as well as cutting edge ‘boobless’ calculator sums. They also began to suggest that female ‘colleagues’ were fit only to affix ‘walkey sound box’ to their person before live broadcast, fiendishly undermining their positions even further

The greatest indignation was to come this past weekend, when not only would a female be seen during a live game, but that she would be officiating and making decisions, possibly determining the outcome of the event. Timid male co-workers of Gray, recognising that perhaps this female uprising was a permanent trend and not a passing fad, suggested that the official was quite good. This did not go down well. He was reported to have said:

‘’I don’t care if she’s had years of training at the FA, acquired all the relevant qualifications, officiated at a huge number of league and cup match’s, and is respected by fellow officials, she simply cannot understand the offside rule. I should know, I INVENTED FOOTBALL.’’ *roars skyward*

Keys, for his part in the fateful conversation, has been allowed to continue, for now, but any further mentions of hanging from anything or even a sideways glance at the tea lady and Rupert will personally catapult him back to the Heath from whence he came.

It was a step too far for Gray. His behaviour had become increasingly intolerable and the brotherhood had to be split. He is set to sue, write a book and can now be found on the ‘Loose Women’ sofa for the next 15 years.

So there you have it. A complete history of football to date.

The Weekend That Was

Got any cutting-edge mother-in-law gags as well?

Wasn’t able to get a stream for the game in the end, and patchy 3G coverage meant I was heavily reliant on the twitterazzi. Sounds like one that could have gone either way and perhaps we were a shade fortunate to get our equaliser. 9 from 9 followed by 2 from 9 means 2011 hasn’t started at the breakneck pace we’d hoped for, but it’s 1 defeat in 15 or so games so we’ve got to be pretty happy haven’t we? That’s 17 points rescued from losing positions this season, more than any other Premier League side. Plucky resilience or a lack of focus? Elsewhere, Dazza Bent scores on his debut and made sure we actually made up some ground on Citeh, and we’ll be hoping Bolton can get something from the Chavs tonight.

So Pav’s head wasn’t in the right place to join the squad eh? All these offers (one) that happen once in a blue moon (pretty much every transfer window) and he went into meltdown. It reminds me of what Guus Hiddink used to say about him being able to take one look at him before a game and knowing whether or not he was going to turn up or not, such is the enigma of our Russian goal-bagger.  Harry had a slightly less complex explanation: ‘’What did he have this week? Oh yes, it’s a long way to Newcastle! He had a bit of a sore groin and he couldn’t make it, so there we go’’. Should have said you had the Brad’s, less questions Roman! Contradictory information puts him within the vicinity of the city over the weekend, this time discussing personal terms with Sunderland.

A striker, a striker, my Kingdom for a striker! It does make me laugh those who profoundly state that we need one with no reference to what’s available. Perhaps we should ask those in charge to enter ’20’ for shooting and heading, click search and see what our scouts throw back at us? Everyone in the developed world, Levy and Redknapp more than anyone, can hear us crying out for one and if there is anything consistent coming out of the ITK machine, it’s that a lot of work is being done to remedy the situation. The fans, like the appointed negotiators being sent out, need to be patient and keep a lid on it for a bit longer. We are Brinksmanship Hotspur and with only an FA Cup game until the window shuts, I fully expect something to happen (woh!). I fear Suarez, but hope for Benzema or Fabiano. They sound fancier.

Friday was supposed to see a conclusion of sorts to the Olympic Stadium debate, but breaking news suggests that the legacy doo-dads need more time to examine the bids put forth by both clubs. So another couple of weeks for regurgitated view points and the #saynotostratford brigade have another chance to stage another mass (200 or so) protest and block the High Road.

And finally, Bale’s got a wonky back, but apparently he’ll be offered 100k a week in a new deal. Swings and roundabouts. Gray and Keys are shown up for the charmless nurks they really are. A couple of old windbags pedalling tired, inaccurate clichés? Not ENTIRELY against your ethos now is it Sky Sports?

Newcastle Away- The Pre-Match Psyche and Interview with ‘KevinAndAndy’





The game I always say I’ll go to one of these days, but then don’t because I’d take months of flack from the missis about not taking the baby somewhere where she’ll have no conception of what’s going on instead. The Zoo, for example. But where will baby be if I want to raise the issue of animals in captivity versus our increased understanding and awareness by having them so readily accessible? Asleep after excessive pointing and clapping is where. It’s a minefield, I’d be far more use on a northern terrace.

A reasonably busy week for us then. Stevie Pii completes his move after briefly flirting with the Chavs, and we’ve managed to make a bit of sell-on clause dosh out of our former hot shot forward Darren Bent’s transfer kafuffle. Reports on the grapevine suggest this could spark a bit of a transfer merry-go-round. On potential departures, Honest Bob, who we know is sticking business cards up in various phone booths in the vicinity of any London based club, may be joined by our patchy Russian, who’s been told that he can have a look around because we will definitely be getting in a striker, and his chances will be limited as a result. Suarez and our summer crush, Fabiano, are the names being bandied about by those claiming to be connected to the higher reaches of the club.

A deal involving star striker for this weekend opponents, Andy Carroll is another transfer rumour that’s resurrected every couple of days. Conspiracy theories abound that his latest ‘injury’ is a line being fed to the media while we continue to iron out a deal and prevent any damage he might inflict upon his potential new employers on the pitch. Or he might just be injured. Either way, the Toon have ruled him out for our visit.

Rather than hack my way through trying to analyse this weekends opponents, I’ve pinned down someone who actually knows what they’re talking about. James Mitchell, author of the fantastic KevinAndAndy (named after possibly the funniest bail arrangement in the history of football/crime) Newcastle United blog agreed to answer a few hastily composed questions.

Rio: How have you enjoyed your return to the Prem? What have been the highlights?

James KAA: The return to the prem has felt a little like vindication, with good results and performances against Arsenal and Chelsea I think we've shown that we do belong in the league. We've only scored 2 less than City with all their riches so we're good value for the neutral as well. The highlight has to be the 5under1and game! But Arsenal away was great as it showed we can mix it with the big boys as well.

Rio: How was life in the Championship? A much needed wake-up call, or just a bit annoying?

James KAA: It was gutting. I was at Villa when we were relegated and it was slightly surreal. It was a little annoying as it soon became clear we were going to go straight back up, and games like Peterborough away felt like a bit of a nuisance. That said it probably did wonders for the club, a lot of dead wood was cleared out and the team spirit we've come up with is fantastic. 

Rio: What were your thoughts on the sacking of former Spurs hero Chris (Cockney-Mafioso to hallowed martyr) Hughton, and what do you make of Pardew?

James KAA: Like almost all Toon fans I was gutted when he was sacked, but not surprised, the writing had been on the wall for a while. I could write an essay on Hughton's sacking but it's been done before. I think Pardew has won over some cynics by tying down some promising players to long term contracts and coming in and getting on with things in a quiet sort of way. He's also a better manager than people have given him credit for, his teams always tend to play attractive football.

Rio: Despite the protestations, the hacks continue to link Andy Carroll with a move to ourselves. How highly is he rated by the Newcastle fans, and what would it mean IF he were to leave?

James KAA: A lot of the stories have been regurgitations, it seems that Redknapp has said he's a good player, but he's out of reach, and Pardew has said we won't sell him. So a lot of papers are making 2+2=345. He's very highly rated and rightly so, he is a very good player. He's quicker than people give him credit for and he brings others into play very well. His goal against Liverpool showed he's not just a Duncan Ferguson type as well. IF he were to leave Ashley would do well to jump in his helicopter quickly and get out of the country. 

Rio: Joey Barton has recently claimed to be THE in-form player in the country. Is he being a bit of a silly-billy or does he have a point?

James KAA: He has been in very good form, he's playing wide right and his delivery has been exceptional, but he's also been bossing games from a wide position which is a bit of an art. I think people will always cast cynicism on anything he says because of his problems, but I think he has a point, at least where English midfielders are concerned anyway. By way of comparison he gave the much hyped and recently capped Jordan Henderson an absolute lesson in both games against Sunderland.

Rio: Any other good young players coming through at Newcastle ? The lad Ranger has taken a bit of stick for that shocker of a miss, but from the other bits I’ve seen, he looks a good prospect.

James KAA: He looks better than Carroll did at the same age, he's strong, tall and quick but seems to lack a bit of composure and technique. I think the jury is very much still out on how he'll develop. Other than that there are high hopes for attacking midfielder Haris Vuckic, and one who slipped in quietly under the noses of Manchester United, Yven Moyo, a left winger.

Rio: The hot topic for us Spursers surrounds our potential move to the Olympic Stadium in the East. As an outside observer, what do you make of it all, and how would you feel if your club moved to an area outside of Newcastle ? Still pretty close, but, you know, not geographically Newcastle ?

 
James KAA: I'm opposed to the idea where any club is concerned, it strikes me that more money could be spent improving transport links to White Hart Lane. A move away seems too drastic.

Rio: What have you made of our season so far?

James KAA: I've loved watching Spurs this season,  although the media hype has been frustrating, 'footbale' has been one particularly amusing summation of the hype surrounding Spurs. But I always look at it this way, if you moved to the country and were completely ignorant of football, you'd never heard of any of the clubs or any of the players, and you watched football for a few weeks, who would catch your eye as an exciting team? Spurs would. That's why I support Newcastle, because when I grew up Newcastle were so exciting to watch despite not winning anything, they were irresistible. 

Rio: If you could take only one of our players, who would it be?

James KAA: ... Bale. Purely because we have players who can play in Van der Vaart's position, (Nolan, whilst clearly not as good, has a credible 10 goals so far this season) and a winger like Bale is such an exciting prospect every time you watch a game. Modric is fantastic as well, he was actually at Newcastle's training ground then dashed to London to sign for Spurs, which was gutting. He does such a good job in the engine room, but we do have the monster Tiote who's been a revelation this season.

Rio: Finally, your score prediction for Saturdays game?

James KAA: I'm gonna stick my neck out and say 2-1. We have a lot of players missing, but I think Spurs are due a little dip in form, or at least I hope they are! I'm crap at predictions though...

A massive thanks to James. Any of you wanting to read a bit more into Newcastle United, KevinAndAndy is well worth a read.

The Rise of The Mod- A Luka Love-In

‘’ Tottenham Hotspur plc is pleased to announce that agreement has been reached with Dinamo Zagreb and the Croatian international midfielder, Luka Modric, age 22 years, for the transfer of his registration to Tottenham Hotspur FC for a total consideration of Euro21 million payable in installments over the next four years.’’

I remember clearly that message popping through on my phone on Saturday 26^thApril 2008. I read it through bleary eyes, hungover after a mates wedding and the news was just what I wanted to hear. He’d recently starred for Croatia in the demolition of Ingerland at wemberlee, the wolly with the brolly etc, and our Totters were high off the back of a Carling Cup win, with a successful 08/09 season in prospect with Ramos at the helm.

We all know what happened next and Luka found himself under the guidance of our ‘arry. His mentor, Croatia coach Slaven Bilic, having played under Harry himself at the Spammers, simply said ‘All the best!’

‘’But then he said Harry would look after me, teach me the right things and get me to the right place. Slaven is quite similar to Harry because they both have the ability to get the best out of players.’’

On the playing front, it was a rough ride for Luka. Assuming we’d signed an attacking string puller as shown in his performances for the national side, he was originally deployed alongside Jenas in a 4 man midfield, often meaning he would drop deep and his threat was nullified. Speaking only a couple of weeks after his arrival at the club, Harry immediately saw where Luka needed to be playing.

‘’…between (the oppositions) defence and midfield. That is where he's at his best - you can't put him in a 4-4-2 as it's difficult for him to play as one of two central midfielders, he's got to play further forward.’’

It was a hint at Redknapps reluctance to play Modric in the middle, and as the season evolved, he was shunted out to the left with Jenas/Huddlestone and Zokora/Palacios being the preferred options in the middle. Harry knew he was a ‘special talent’, but didn’t know what to do with him, so the left side of our 4-man midfield was the only position where he felt he could be utilised. While shining in the odd game and being steady in others, Spurs fans couldn’t help but feel he was playing within himself, the Carling Cup final defeat to Manchester United being a case in point. In hindsight, he probably felt shackled himself and was desperate to be given the chance in his preferred position.

"I know I am strong enough to do well and I will prove that in the coming matches. That's my aim."

After dominating the midfield and scoring in our 1-0 win over Chelski towards the end of the 08/09 season, there were great hopes for him in Redknapp’s first full season in charge, but only a few games in, at home to Birmingham, Luka suffered a broken leg. It was at the lower end of the ‘serious broken leg’ charts, but it was enough to keep him out for several months. On his return, the close control, and the most incredible balance I’ve had the pleasure of seeing at close quarters were still there, but he also appeared stronger, both physically and in his focus. Far from just riding out his injury in front of a playstation, Luka hit the gym, determined to show he could play the central role.

Another young starlet by the name of Gareth Bale had grabbed his chance in the first team with both hands and usurped Luka’s niche on the left wing, but it wasn’t long before he had the chance to shine once again in the middle of the park. Wilson Palacios’s suspension meant Harry had his hand forced in playing a midfield 4 of Bale, Modric, Huddlestone and Lennon for 2 huge home games, firstly against the Woolwich Wanderers and then Chelski. Modric and Huddlestone were magnificent in both eventual victories, and such was their success that even though Palacios was available for the big showdown away to Manchester City, the same midfield 4 were chosen to start the game. Modric had proved what he himself knew all along.

"I have been brought up to be a modest person, not to show off, and to appreciate the things I achieve. But I believe in myself, which I think is important in life in general, not just in sport."

For those of us who’ve read about Luka’s early career, to say he was too lightweight to play in the middle was to do him a great disservice and an over-simplification of his attempts to adapt to a new way of playing. As an 18 year old on loan at Zrinjski Mostar, playing in central midfield in the ‘industrial’ Bosnian League, he emerged as the Leagues player of the season, saying "someone who can play in the Bosnian league can play anywhere", referring to its physicality. However, he readily admitted that it was more to do with the combined pace and pressure of opposition players in the Premier League that he needed to adjust to.

‘’What I noticed the most was the strength and speed. The lack of space as well. I was used to getting a lot of space in Croatia and that makes a hell of a difference. But I am getting used to it now. When that happens I will be OK."

And more than OK he is now. The congestion in the middle of the park was a dominant feature of Sunday’s game against Manchester United, and Harry, always full of praise for our little magician, commented:

"There was talk about a lack of space and time out there but he kept finding it. His touch and awareness is fantastic. He could play in any team in the world."

While casual observers rightly site this seasons contributions of Bale and the impact of Van der Vaart as a huge influence on our current position, the performances of Modric, while far subtler, have arguably been more telling. The introduction of Van der Vaart to our squad has given Harry the flexibility to use the 4-5-1 formation favored by many of the European elite and deploying Luka in a similar role where he shone for Croatia, and it’s beginning to pay dividends. Those who saw his ‘grabbing-the-game-by-the-scruff-of-the-neck’ performance when we were a goal down at home to Liverpool, will testify to seeing a new dimension in Luka’s game as a potential match winner in his own right.

The next step for our Modders is to add goals to his game. 7 in 75 league games for us shows there is still work to be done on that front, but as I’ve said before, if he can do it, we’ll have the EPL version of Iniesta on our hands.

Perhaps even more impressive is Luka’s maturity and loyalty in the face of such admiration. He has constantly batted away talk of transfers to many of Europe’s top clubs (and Chelski), and knowing that we have him secured to a six-year contract certainly puts us Totters at ease.

"Me going to Barcelona? Yes, I really hope that, but only as a Tottenham player in the next round of the Champions League’’

With the backdrop of the Croatian War of Independence, Luka’s childhood perhaps puts him in a better position than many of his counterparts to appreciate where he is now. It’s not just his game, but his whole outlook on life that is well-rounded. 

"The most important thing is for me and my family to be healthy".

Perhaps my favourite Luka quote though is this one from November 2010.

"I can make my football dreams come true with Tottenham, and that is why all my thoughts and also my future is with this club."

Luka, we salute you!

They Parked The Bus

Still a bit too sore to see this as a compliment. An opportunity missed, but 10 out of 10 for effort. A ruthlessly resolute and organised manure side eventually won out in the war of attrition, our lads just missing out on that bit of luck or a kind bobble around their goal. The one time it did drop for us, VdV conspired to curl just wide. Some ratings:

Gomes, 7- Excellent save from Rodney at the beginning of the 2^nd half. Not too sure about the one in the 1^st half where he knocked it back in front of himself, but he saw it late so fair do’s.

Hutton, 6- Gets tight when he needs to stand off and vice-versa. He makes me nervous. However, provided an excellent attacking threat against a team permanently pinned in their own half.

Daws, 7- Done everything asked of him. Great awareness. 4 clean sheets in a row at home, coinciding with his return to the side.

Gallas, 7- Just a great defender. Distribution was also excellent.

BAE, 6- Rafael got at him a couple of times, but Nani being quiet and eventually taken off was credit to him.

Lennon, 6.5- With Bale under wraps, he had more ball than he might have anticipated. Huffed and puffed but didn’t get at Evra enough when he was on a booking. Overly critical perhaps. Needs to look inside a little more as there was space to exploit.

Mods, 8- ‘They’ve got Van der Vaart and Bale’. Something you might hear from a few fans taking a passing interest in Totters. We grin smugly as they rarely mention our best player. Dropped deep and made a congested midfield look wide open when he got forward. A joy to watch.

VdV, 6- Forgot he was on the pitch until that curling shot. Marshalled manfully by Felcher and unable to stamp any authority on proceedings.

Wilson, 6.5- Was surprised to see him on the team sheet, thought Jenas would have been the better choice. Hustled Carrick and Felcher nicely, but nowt our JJ couldn’t have done. Got into a decent shooting position a couple of times, exactly where you might have fancied the aforementioned to cause more problems.

Baler, 6- Is he injured or being told to rein it in? Not just in this game, but several recently, there have been very presentable opportunities to run into space beyond the full back and give an option to BAE or Mods to find him, and he’s just stood still. Still having a great season but needs to sharpen up to move to the next level.

Crouch, 6- Still trying to find his way out of Vidic’s pocket.  Another surprise selection from Harry. Didn’t he refuse to appeal Defoe’s sending off at Villa to ensure the ban wouldn’t have been in force for this game??? Given the quality of CB he was up against, won a fair amount of the aerial challenges, but delivery from the flanks and set pieces weren’t good enough to exploit what he was on the pitch for.

Subs. Were there any? Defoe for Palacios. Minimal impact.

60% possession and I can’t recall another side forcing Manure to play so negatively. Great effort but on the balance of play, 2 points dropped. A huge run of games coming up, and 6 out of 7 of them are away from home.

The planned protest over our proposed move to Stratford took place outside the main gates on Tottenham High Road. As a few people have pointed out, the volume of people resulted in the High Road being shut, ironically highlighting one of the main problems about getting to Tottenham and one of the main reasons for seeking a move away from the area. There was a bit more chanting going on at halftime which I took a video clip of. It’s on youtube, but then there are loads of them on there so get yerselves searching if you want to have a witness.

Manure In Our Back Garden

I hate manure

I think we’ll do this lot. Not in the sense that we can beat anyone on our day, but genuinely because I believe we’re good enough and now consistent enough to take them apart.

I don’t engage with too many of their ‘fans’, as most that I am aware of (careful not to say ‘know’) are made up of the worst kind of live-in-london-never-been-to-OT-but-watch-them-on-sky-a-lot-and-it-makes-me-an-expert types, but the general consensus from those reds whose opinion I hold in any sort of regard, seems to be that they would be happy to escape with a point from Sundays game. Do any of them really believe they can go a whole season unbeaten? Most of them are amazed that, in a season where they’ve only played decent football in patches, it hasn’t happened a few times already, and are worried that

White Hart Lane

will be where the run comes to an end.

But we’ve been here before. A potentially shaky looking back five, a midfield made up from a few of Nani, Giggs, Carrick, Park, Felcher,  (not a typo), interspersed with a couple of Gibson’s and O’Shea’s, Rooney up top, and they always look like they might give something away. Master of the collective over the individual, ol’ rednose always manages to get the better of us.

You could play Ferguson’s pre-match press conferences for this fixture on loop- the flattery, ‘they’re a team on the up, they play great football, they’ll be a big threat’, and how Spurs v Manure is always a great game. Of course it is, he always bloody wins them! It was how Mourinho used to describe us until we beat Chelski, and only then did the derision begin. This is exactly what I want from ol’ rednose. His ‘noisy neighbour’ comments betray his fear over what’s happening at Middle Eastlands, and when he starts giving us that kind of attention and scorn, that’s when we’ll be a threat. This time around though, he’ll know that all the talk of us being a danger is more than just sound byte.

There’s something different about this Tottenham, version 2.011. No longer do we sit and wonder which of our players will step up and have the game of their lives, while praying our own onion bag leads a charmed life. This season has seen us develop that rarest of traits, winning ugly and when things aren’t going our way, finding goals through that extra flash of quality or sheer bloody-minded determination to force the ball over the line. It’s what the best teams do. It’s what United have built the last 20 years of their history on. I won’t list our danger men, we all know who they are. I’ll admit to being a bit disappointed that Beckham won’t be installed in the Huddlestone role, where Harry saw him playing a big part, despite his talk of being cover for Lennon, but Jenas has been OK and believe he’ll play in a midfield 5 with Defoe up top. The rest of the team picks itself.

In Other News…

Feelings continue to run high over our proposed move to Stratford and the #saynotostratford brigade are tweeting in their hundreds. My feelings on the matter are in the previous article HERE.

Bentleys off to Brum where I hope he discovers enough form to get his price back up to a reasonable level. Good player, but never quite done it in a Spurs shirt which, if he has any personal pride, will hurt. May a change of scenery change your fortunes young man. Like that f**kin jeep that’s been parked outside my house for 2 months, Honest Bob just will not leave. To be fair, he’s keeping his mouth shut, I’ve just seen too much looped footage of him training next to our new #77 and his face annoyed me all over again.

Pienaar is on his way apparently. He’s very welcome, a Jenas type ball winner who can play a bit, just a bit younger and better. A great addition. As for Phil Neville? After initial scepticism, if Harry thinks any player can come in and do a job and add to what we already have, then I’m fully behind it. He’s in the centre of the playing staff everyday and knows what’s needed, so whether it be a pacey winger or a battle worn vocal leader, if he thinks it’s what we need, then I trust his judgement.

Predictions for Sunday lunchtime? I’m almost hesitant after correctly predicting the Villa game, but putting my 100% record on the line, I’m calling a 3-1 home win. F**k it, 4-1.

Tottenham and the Olympic Dream

The Perfect Solution

From the early rumours that the bid for the Olympic Stadium was just an attempt to scare Haringey Council into approving the Northumberland Development Project, each subsequent noise coming out of the club, our financial partners, and the fear-laden bleating of the Caravan Club HQ, has indicated that we are in fact, deadly serious about moving the 6 miles to Stratford. And why wouldn’t we? Whether it’s propaganda being fed to us by the club or not, a move to the OS costing between 150-200 million, or the NDP costing 450m, would certainly seem to make sense. And let’s not forget all the add-ons that the NLP would entail. Seeing the long-term value for the area by investing in the project, when The Emirates was built, Arsenal were given substantial financial assistance to improve public transport infrastructure by the local authority. From day one, all Haringey seem to have done is placed obstacles in our path. Not content at throwing our plans out because they view a few non-descript shells as listed buildings, sending us back to the drawing board at great expense, they have requested further investment from the club to improve transport links to the area. Despite David Lammy’s laughable attempts to strong arm Daniel Levy, it’s a battle with only one winner, and his outrage at the clubs abandonment of the area seems all the more pathetic, put up against Daniel’s refusal to get involved in any back-biting and adherence to the party line that we’re keeping our options open.

But our club doesn’t play in boardrooms or on political stages. It plays in Tottenham. What do I care about how much a new stadium is going to cost, it’s not like I’m going to be paying for it? It is the board, through corporate tie-in’s, sponsorships and player trading that will have to work this out, but it doesn’t give us as supporters, carte blanche to ignore the realities. We can’t complain about the cost of replica shirts, ticket prices and baulking at £30m price tags of players whilst ignoring the financial realities of trying to move the club forward. There’s nothing I, or I’m sure the board in an ideal world, would love more than ‘New White Hart Lane’ on the site of our current stadium, 60k+ seats, kop end, amazing transport links, but the decision makers with all of the facts at their disposal know that when comparing the OS to the NDP, staying where we are is not making any financial sense.



The Money Mans Choice



It’s impossible to separate the club from our own emotions when we invest so much of ourselves in it, in and around the ground and through mediums such as this one. Our club is part of our own identities. If any of us were asked to complete the sentence ‘I love Tottenham Hotspur because…’, depending on our generation, we’d most likely turn in roughly the same exam papers. Mine, for example, would include memories of the great players I’ve seen in our colours, the way we play the game, great goals, the hug-a-stranger moments during the epic games and memorable victories. Way down on the list would be Tottenham itself.

The truth of the matter is that very few Tottenham fans come from Tottenham nowadays. Like most supporters of the all the London clubs, the demographic has moved to the outskirts, mainly Essex and Hertfordshire in our case, and the focus and relevance of the modern game has changed with our own migration. A teams relevance in the upper echelons, where we are certainly aiming to be, is about domestic success, Champions League participation, the calibre of players we can attract and the sponsorship deals that fund it all. A sad indictment of the modern game? Perhaps, but that’s another debate. Point being, nobody from Samsung, Emirates Airlines, AON etc give a monkeys where you’re from or where you play, the only relevance to them is your market share, global exposure and the headline makers in the team. It would be nice to think we can get to where we want to be by staying in a 36k stadium, but state of the art training and match day facilities are what will attract the biggest sponsors and ultimately, the biggest players to get us where we want to go.

If history in a wider context has taught us anything, it’s that standing still is not consolidating, it’s going backwards. We finished fourth through years of investing in youth and some clever negotiating from Levy and co on the financial side, but to get to where we want to be, a move to a bigger and better home, through minimised expense and maximised profit, is our only answer if we ever want to be among the elite of world football. There are some that will say they’d sacrifice it all in the name of tradition. FC Hotspur of Tottenham may even rise from the ashes. It’s yours. No sale here. They’ll soon realise that the spirit of the club isn’t Tottenham, in the London Borough of Haringey. A dodo atop a VCR might be more appropriate for FC TofH advocates, but if it comes to it, the cockerel and ball will live and roll on elsewhere, and that’s where I’ll be.

The walk down Willoughby Lane, the Decorata chippy, The Olive Branch, the walk down the Park Lane, ascending the stairs to the South Stand will in time hold a wonderfully nostalgic personal memory for the way things used to be, but it’s all peripheral to what we’re all in Tottenham for. Would it mean anything if it wasn’t followed up by watching my team play? Would I do this on a non-match day because I felt that being in Tottenham was a definitive part of being a Tottenham fan? I’m sorry, but no, I wouldn’t, and I doubt anyone else would either. The pre-match ritual and banter with Flymo, Latino, his old man and his brothers will change location, but will still be there. Our seats will move, but will still be there. The team will move, but will still be there. Our history will still be up on the walls, on film, on paper and in our memories. We’ll share the highs and lows, victories and defeats in the same way we always have. The individual memories we all have of our times at White Hart Lane will be with us for as long as we’re breathing and have marbles rolling around up top, and we will be the privileged few who can talk to our grand kids about our famous old home.

The Petty Behaviour of Sky Sports

Sky Sports, you let your viewers down, you let your viewers down...

Just a little vent today. Did anyone watch Soccer Saturday for this weekends F.A. Cup score updates?

I can only assume that Sky won’t be broadcasting any live F.A. Cup games this season for one reason or another, but their conduct was so transparent and dismissive of the nation’s biggest domestic cup competition as to warrant an independent enquiry. In the studio were the usual group of slack jaws, commonly given the big games of the day. This week, in all of Sky’s petty, childish glory, they were given games that, forgive me, I can’t even remember, such was the quality of coverage. On FA Cup 3^rd round day, at least one of them was covering a run-of-the-mill league 1 game. To be fair, jeffntheboys looked genuinely embarrassed.

Every time the panel were cut to for an update of their games, it was ‘the lad’s played it down there’, ‘the fellas crossed it over’, ‘the strikers got on the end of it’. They hadn’t even given them a squad list to refer to the numbers on the back of the players shirts. Every time Stelling mentioned the phrase ‘cup shock’, you could imagine a Luca Brasi type standing behind the camera. Silent, head shaking, stroking his gun.

I’m sure they’ll point to an attempt to cover all of the days play, but when they’ve got a correspondent on the end of a crackly phone line at Sunderland v Notts County, Norwich v Orient, Blackburn v QPR and Burton v Middlesbrough to name but a few, you’ve got to start questioning just what kind of service they are providing.

They aren’t the BBC, but they are a paid for service by their subscribers, and as such, have a duty to provide them with coverage from the compelling games of the day. On FA Cup 3^rd round day, as churlish as it may sound, viewers want to hear about shock results and cupsets. What happens in a hastily re-arranged league fixture between teams that have already been knocked out has little or no appeal in comparison. Their conduct was embarrassing and a big 2-fingered salute to their customers who’ve paid and tuned in to watch them provide their football coverage.

Addick-ted to Mods and Walcott is a Prized Plum

Stolen from the Walcott family album

In the end, a job well done.

Cuddlychins, 6.5- Made a couple of decent saves near the end, largely untroubled.

The whole back 4, 6- Again, largely untroubled, but done what they had to pretty well.

Krankie, 5- No lack of effort, but no real end product. To be fair, the guy is a central midfielder, largely asked to play on the left wing. A very good player on his day, but he needs games.

Wilson, 4- Another shaky performance. Obviously a top draw fella, but have we outgrown what he has to offer?

Sandro, 6- Looked far better alongside Modric. Intelligent use of his body in several challenges. He’ll play a big part next season.

Townsend, 8.1- Gets the MOM over Mods simply because he played twice as long. In a team bereft of pace, he quickly established himself as our danger man. Saw him a couple of years back for Orient when they played Southend, and wasn’t mega-impressed. An off-day or quality of team-mates? Who knows, but he was very lively yesterday and his confidence grew as the game went on. Biggest praise I could give him is that he can count himself unlucky if he’s not on the bench v Manure. Well done lad.

Modders, 8 (on for Wilson at HT)- Changed the course of the game. Watching him this season has been a joy, and if he can add goals to his game, we’ll own the EPL version of Iniesta. I don’t say that lightly. Magnificent.

Defoe, 6.5- Typical Defoe performance, ran about a bit up front but delivered a couple of good finishes this time. Nice shooting practise for next weekend.

Pav, 5- Ran the channels quite nicely again, but his touch has deserted him of late. Needs to rediscover it quickly.

Not a bad F.A. Cup weekend all told. Dalgleish has started as I’m sure he’ll go on, my second team, Leyton Orient, beat a goal-happy Norwich City at their gaff, and the Geordies, Mackems and Boro got embarrassed. In fact, Leeds are now the most Northern team left in the competition, and could have been the talk of the 3^rd round again had the inevitable not come to pass. To be fair, I actually thought both of the late challenges were penalties (or at least, certainly seen them given for a lot less), so why the budget Aaron Lennon felt the need to come out and say he’d took a tumble (your honour) is beyond me. ‘I’m a good boy I am, I’m ever so ‘umble guv’. Leave it out Theodora, there’s a big difference between honesty and stupidity, and I’m afraid you’ve crossed the line on this one. Still, holding him up as the nation’s moral compass is far easier than trying to diagnose any post-match tourettes in the boy. ‘I’m not that kind of player, I don’t like diving’… well, you are, and you did. Plum.

So Beckham has arrived for training/ a medical then? After Harry publicly declared that the deal was all but complete, the news filtering through pre-match yesterday was that he was only here for some shuttle runs and cone dodging. BUT WAIT! It’s not dead yet! Wake me up when it’s sorted.

Charlton Fan Interview And Some Other Things

A real life addick

Well, well. After my claims that Mr Beckham would be unveiled along with Lord Lucan, it would appear I should start practising my best sheepish look. All noises would appear to suggest that he’ll be confirmed later today and might even be paraded around, Roman Emperor style, at Sunday’s game. Unicorn drawn golden chariot and funny hat, I’m told, is optional.

So Honest Bob wants to stay in London and get a massive relegation avoidance pay-out help the Spammers fight for their lives, presumably shifting some tea-towels down at Queen’s Market along the way? Bore off Bobert, I’d had enough of you a year and a half ago. Bentley to Newcastle? Best of luck lad, assume this paves the way for Liverpool to bid for Wayne Routledge? Saddest transfer merry-go-round EVER.

It’s FA Cup 3^rd round weekend people! The magic and sparkle is still there isn’t it? Ronnie Radford, Wrexham… and all those other memories. Romance, giant-killings, tradition, black and white footage of 9 million people packed into Wemberley? Marvellous.

To me it means there will be at least one decent game on normal telly (Woolwich Wanderers v Leeds, Saturday, 12:45 on ITV if you’re interested?) and a day when your acca is bound to mess you up with the customary shock win or draw somewhere or other.

On paper, we’ve got a somewhat tricky tie of our own. An ex-prem London club in patchy form, playing for the first time under a new (albeit caretaker) manager, most of their players looking for a new contract or a chance to impress on a big stage, and us on the back of a first defeat since October and carrying a number of suspensions, injuries and tired legs aplenty.

I have here with me (thought that made it sound more live and cutting edge?), Dave Junior, a Charlton season ticket holder who follows his club up and down the country and will be in the away end at Sunday lunchtime. After bashing heads for a while, here are some thoughts that dribbled out:

Rio: Who’s your danger man?

DJ: Danger man HAS to be Johnnie Jackson. 13 goals this season from left midfield (although a fair share of penalties), and as an ex-yid, I’m sure he’ll up his game that extra notch.

***FOR THOSE CONSIDERING GIVING JACKSON A POLITE CLAP ON HIS RETURN TO THE LANE, HAVE A READ OF THIS FIRST***

Rio: Any up and coming Charlton talent to look out for?

DJ: Scotty Wagstaff has really come along this season and chipped in with 7 goals despite not playing as regularly as Jackson/Racon/Semedo.

Rio: Thoughts on Parkinsons departure?

DJ: Parky had to go (shouldn’t have been given the job in the first place IMHO). Although we aren’t in any danger of going down, I really couldn’t see him taking us up any time soon and the club just can’t afford to be languishing in league one.

Rio: Most feared Spurs player?

DJ: Any Spurs player with a bit of pace is going to tear our defence apart, but I think Lennon is a quality little player and could have an absolute field day on Sunday!

Rio: Prediction for the game?

DJ: Heart – 1 all and a nice money spinning replay at The Valley.

Head – 3-0 Spurs.

Big Thanks to Dave Junior there, top man.

So there you have it. Let’s hope we’re not on the wrong end of an FA Cup shock on Sunday, but in the meantime, keep your ears to the ground for any transfer news. Phil Neville? I can’t even find the words.

Uncharted Territory

Add caption

Writing about a defeat? Something I’ve not had to do in the illustrious history of this blog. Let the knee-jerking begin.

Managed to eventually find a non-rubbish stream for the game, thanks to ‘@N17’ on twitter, and despite a shaky start, we certainly looked the more composed and accomplished approaching half-time. The missis then needed the laptop to do a bit of work, but I wasn’t too disappointed. It wouldn’t be pretty but it looked like we were on course to get another goal early doors in the second half and wrap up another 3 points. It never materialised, and having switched to SSN, Le Tissiers updates were beginning to sound more and more worrying as the half went on; Bale limped off, replaced by Krankie (who was apparently rubbish) and then the inevitable happened. Sheesh. I turned over when I heard Honest Bob had come on.

A fine run comes to an end. Disappointing, especially with all those around us dropping points, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. Not a disaster, and those pointing to the result as an example of Harry’s inability to change games from the bench need to get a grip and have a look at what the squad has achieved in the past year under his guidance. We’re not f**kin Liverpool after one below-par performance. I do, however, have a few gripes.

After Saha gifted possession to Bale, why oh why did Crouch stray offside? Unforgivable, you’d get shouted at in an under 10’s game for that. Steven Peanut’s ‘free-kick’ which Rafa pounced on? Shades of Nani at OT earlier in the season, but we’re not Manure and weren’t playing at OT, so it was never going to be given.

Peter Crouch. Oh Peter, you are a frustrating one, but I can’t help but like him. He’s an honest lad who carries out his job to the letter (without scoring goals of course), always a willing runner, great at defending corners, and will fight for you all day. Problem is, when you start him, you’ve got nothing to turn to. A tight game like yesterdays, approaching the last 20 minutes is exactly the time you bring on Big Pete to shake things up. Previously comfortable CB’s are suddenly faced with a new problem when the legs are getting tired, and his industry is put to far better use. Used correctly, he causes havoc. Despite his poor recent return, Pav would have been most people’s choice to start last night, and inevitably be the one to eventually give way.

Compiled by Trashpost from COYS, tweeted by the excellent @WindyCOYS, some interesting stats this morning which add weight to the argument:

‘’Since January 1st 2010: averaged 2.29 pts per league match Pav has started (18 matches: 12 - 4 - 2). Crouch 1.64 (24 matches: 10 - 6 - 6)’’

At least Defoe’s back! Anyone?

It’s no big secret that we need a forward, but one at a requisite level is hard to come by. You either pay £30m+ for the finished article, or £15-20m on a good prospect. Whether we like it or not, we’re still in a position that requires us to take a bit of a gamble, so Carroll seems to be a no-brainer. Read an ITK that said we were in talks over Carroll and requested that Newcastle say he’s injured until the deal can be done. Sure enough, he was on the bench last night. Not exactly conclusive evidence that he’ll be unveiled on Sunday, but with their replacement striker scoring a hat-trick last night, would Ashley be tempted to cash in with this still fresh in the memory? Given his form, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Fingers all kinds of crossed that the Bale injury isn’t too serious. We need him back for the Manure game.

A Merry Christmas and The Greatest Sideshow on Two Legs

He's also quite good at football

Well, what a jolly old Christmas. 9 points, one goal conceded and lots to discuss. I would make apologies for my lack of festive postings, but I’m sure you managed to fill up on Tottenham related nourishment through many less lazy blogging outlets than mine, so there should be no empty bellies.

First the on pitch stuff:

Villa- Never a red card, the ball didn’t go out for Younes’ goal and VdV has mad match winning skillz. Our 2^nd was a thing of beauty. Great determination to hang on.

Toon- Good performance, silly from Younes (although he has apologised on Twitter so all is forgiven). Joey Barton’s sister is his mum, and lumping balls up to Andy Carroll when facing Daws is rather futile. I have it on good authority that Daws eats pointlesslongball-o’s for breakfast every morning before training, and sh1ts towering headers.

Fulham- Unlucky they woz. We were very fortunate to hang on. A dire game, tired legs on both sides, but winning ugly is what good teams do. We did and we are.

Man of the Xmas- Modric. Our best player in the 2 home games and his pass for Hutton at Villa was just magnificent. Special mentions to Daws and Benny.

Festive highlight- Chelski going MENTAL at their 88^th minute ‘winner’, only to concede a minute later. Those celebrations were priceless.

And so to the big news of the last few days. David Beckham at Tottenham? Let’s begin.

Personally, I think this would be a great bit of business. My thinking is along the lines of Harry, the positive impact of his presence, knowledge of the domestic/European competitions, work rate and his ability to shift t-shirts in the club shop will far outweigh any so-called ‘media circus’. Last time I looked, reporters weren’t allowed to follow him around the pitch during training or during games so I don’t really see any problem. If anything, he’ll be a great focus-puller from the other members of our band of merry men. Let’s not forget his ability either. Fact is, he would probably have started at the World Cup if he’d been fit, and in my opinion, is still the most technically gifted English footballer around.

In terms of things that make me think this might not happen, one likely issue would be the Adidas sponsorship. Just how much of a say they would have over him coming to us with our Puma match day kit/ training kit I don’t know, but I can’t imagine they’d be happy to keep paying a sizeable wedge to see him trotted out in Puma gear. Also, what kind of insurance premium would we/ his sponsors need to take out in order to get him playing in the Premier League against the ‘industrial’ sides he’s likely to face? It was worst case scenario for the septics when he went on loan to AC last year, so I’m not surprised they’re a little reluctant to let him go without some big assurances over his level of match day protection.

Despite what Harry says about using him as an out-and-out winger, if Lennon stays fit, I see Mr Beckham playing Thudd’s role until he’s fit again. In terms of the timings, this would make a lot of sense. Injury update from the horse’s yesterday:

thuddz tom huddlestone

Finally the 'robocop' boot is off, and walking normal!! Hopefully half way there

And a bit later:

thuddz tom huddlestone

Been out 6long weeks, and expecting another 6 so mid to end feb I'm hoping for but can't be specific. Will know in a week or 2

Everton tomorrow night then. Cahill at the Asia Cup so that’s a bit of good news. Pre-match chitter-chatter tomorrow.

Happy New Year you lovely buggers.