Hotspur High End Of Term Report: The Middlers

Continuing last week’s largely pointless and subjective overview of our defendonauts, it’s time to move onto the middlebots. A collection of chaps who’s opta stats might look slightly more handsome if they were setting things up for striketrons whose CPU’s hadn’t been fried by excessive hot air blowing and the really bright strobe lights of Faces. Same format; a horribly skewed and stunted analysis, followed by an ill-conceived verdict on their futures. Begin.

Aaron Lennon

Rumours abound that he’s pining for the North following a breakdown in relations with the gaffer. As for the year’s on-field contribution, a few great moments but he’s certainly more often under, rather than over whelmed, and questions have begun to be asked, quite rightly, about his level of progression. On his day, he’s one of the best. A true get-bums-off-seats-in-excitement-er. Off it, there are a number of spectacular shuttle runs to the halfway line, followed by a tap back to his RB.

Verdict: Clear-the-air talks and get him fit and motivated again. Keep.

David Bentley

Yeah. That one didn’t really work out did it? A winger with no pace needs to have an incredible passing ability and an almost telepathic reading of the game in order to justify their place. He has neither. Probably a decent lad but daft as a brush and sadly just not good enough.

Verdict: I’d snap yer ‘and off for six million

Giovani Dos Santos

There’s a reason why Barcelona let him go ya know. Was stand-out terrible in the very poor Carling Cup defeat after appearing to have spent all day in the juicer.

Verdict: Enjoy life back in Spain or whatever.

Wilson Palacios

I still remember his debut- the 0-0 draw at home to the arse. Spurs had been without a defensive minded midfielder in so long it appeared as though the game was being re-invented before our very eyes, as he hassled and hurried the bewildered visitors and kept his passing simple. He was an instant hero. Sadly for Wilson, we’ve evolved quickly, and the expectations placed on our current DM’s goes beyond simply running about and making a nuisance of yourself. He needs to pass concisely, pick the pockets on the opposition, tackle while remaining upright and chip in with the odd surging run and goal. His name is Sandro. He was brilliant away at AC Milan, but when asked to come in as part of the squad rotation, he’s struggled badly in the league.

Verdict: Needs to play regular football to be effective. If the right money comes in, then best of luck Wilson, I’ll always remember your debut.

Sandro

Bigger, faster, stronger. Darwin’s theory of evolution incarnate. He can do it all. I take my hat off to the club employee who spotted him and the other one that made sure we got first dibs on him and done that tie-in deal thing with his Brazilian club. He is truly a Braziliant prospect.

Verdict: (joint) First name on the team sheet next season.

Luka Modric

And he’s the other one. Superlatives fail me when trying to encapsulate the grace with which he glides around the pitch, turning away effortlessly from the lesser mortals who attempt to drag him down. The best player at the club by a country mile, and at the centre of everything we do that’s good. Balance and poise, the likes of which I’ve never seen.

Verdict: More valuable than whale tears. Don’t even think about it…

Jermaine Jenas

I’m no Jenas hater, and the whole debate about what he offers has been done to death. Nothing I say will be new to anyone who’s read a Tottenham blog in the last 6 years, so I’ll just concentrate on the positives and say he’s a willing lad and offers a bit of energy on his better days.

Verdict: Time to move on. Your work here is done.

Steven Pienaar

I feel sorry for Steven, who joins a long list of Tottenham players who’ve thought they signed as central midfielders, happen to be left footed, and are then constantly deployed on the left wing. Off the top of my head; Steed, Luka (before Harry came to his senses) and Niko have all suffered this fate.

Harry: I see you’re left footed Steve. Good, we need cover on the left wing.

SP: Oh. Well, yeah, I’m happy to muck in, but you know I’m an energetic but essentially defensive minded central midfielder don’t you?

Harry: Yeah, definitely, and a trific one at that, but, you know, we don’t ‘ave that many left footers at Spurs, so play your cards right and you could make that left wing your own.

SP: Well that’s nice to know but I am a central midfielder by trade and would prefer to fight for my place th…

*ring ring*

Harry: ‘old on Steve, that’s San’. Stupid cow wants to make me nut cutlets for dinner.

Ol’ ‘arry won’t stand for that saaaahhhhhhhnnnnnnn. OY! Joe! Get Stevie whipping in those crosses with that left wand of ‘is. Trific.

SP: *sighs*

And so on. The snap judgements by a number of fans of a player who’s still settling into his new club and being asked to play out of position are, in short, staggering. For anyone who’s watched him prior to his signing for Tottenham, they will know what a top class performer he has been for Everton these past few seasons and is, in my opinion, a great piece of business. If you need more convincing, the argument that he basically negates the need for Jenas to take up a squad place should be more than enough!

Verdict: Keep

Tom Huddlestone

Unfortunately, injuries have put paid to any meaningful contribution this year from everyone’s favourite ketchup fiend. Still an integral member of the Hotspur fraternity.

Verdict: Keep

Rafael Van der Vaart

Transfer of the season. Our market activity has been somewhat uninspiring fare over the last year or so, but thanks to a dodgy fax machine and some sweet talking, and despite a slightly worrying post-Christmas dip in form, at 8 million quid, the Dutchman has been a great piece of business. He went from being a ‘where do you play him?’ to a first name on the team sheet in a matter of weeks and there’s a lot more to come from him after a bit of well earned r&r, a full pre-season and getting a centre forward partner that has a brain. Exciting.

Verdict: Ooooooooooooh yes.

Niko Kranjcar

Like his fellow right-backing countryman, and even David Bentley to some extent, I just feel the days of an unaggressive but technically gifted fringe player are on the wane. Niko’s a throw-back to some extent- languid and mercurial at times but lacking that fire in the belly to come on and turn a game. Seeing him ousting Mod, VdV, Sandro or Thudd to become a regular starter takes a leap of faith, given Harry’s reluctance to use him on a regular basis. A real shame and a failure from the management more than Niko, but the reality is that he won’t ever be given the run in the side that his quality deserves, therefore never reaching the heights I’m sure he’ll scale somewhere else.

Verdict: Would love to keep him, but a decent fee is the best we’re going to get out of this one.

Andros ‘don’t call me Andy’ Townsend

Saw him on loan at the Orient a couple of years back and wasn’t overly impressed. Saw him play against Charlton and certainly was. Make him a regular starter in the Europa and the Carling Cup. Pacy, fearless, direct and can deliver a cross. Useful.

Verdict: More first teaming next term.

Gareth Bale

He’s like the Welsh Ryan Giggs! Lilywhite-tinted specs off for this one. He’s had 1.5 blinding games this season, a whole handful of very ordinary ones, and another smaller handful where he’s been pretty good but we were told he was brilliant because of the 1.5 blinders. Perhaps I’m just being contrary as a retaliation for all the Bale-issimo mania we’ve all had to sit through, but there’s no hiding from the fact that the boy has got a LONG way to go to be mentioned in the same breath as Giggs. If we can keep him fit and able then he’s devastating, but the kids not 22 and he’s spent half his career on the treatment table. His back is an issue, and while modern fitness, physio and surgical regimes are all impressive, I have an awful feeling he’ll always struggle for any sort of consistency. We just need his hamstrings to go and then we’re really lumbered… and that’s not to mention his ankle that went quite sickeningly from under him, so let’s add ligament damage (which was clearly the result of not being 100% fit from his previous injury) to that list and we’ve got quite a worrying long-term picture for the lad.

Reports today suggesting that Harry will sit down with Gareth to talk through a potential mega-bid from Manchester City, because, apparently, Harry ALWAYS discusses any potential move with his players due to his man-management style and their ‘special relationships’. Yeah right, can you imagine him having a sit-down chat with Luka if Man United came in with a £50m offer? Would he f**k. He’d quite rightly reject the offer out of hand. My feeling is that the club know Bale is perma-crocked and that now represents the best time to sell.

Verdict: Honestly, if silly money came in that meant the difference between an ordinary forward or a top-drawer one, I’d take it.