Hurricane Totters Expected, and The Judicial Reforms of AVB

Another week of Tottenhaming where we’ve not made too many splashes, what with us being out of the Lager Pot and all. We’ve not had any pictures of one of our number stumbling out of Faces on the arms of one of the TOWIE’s, or even a bonkers quote from one of the staff to cringe over, so it’s been left to our contemporaries to keep the headline writers in a job; most notably, old Jonathan Terrance.

Are there any words we’ve not yet used to describe our nations Captain and former Dad of the Year? I like ‘putrid’. It’s not used enough for my liking, and certainly springs to mind when I’m unlucky enough to catch a glimpse of him staring out at me from the back page of another commuter’s currant, or to overhear his name uttered by some news outlet or other. Whether he’s guilty or not, I’ll let the hastily deleted video evidence speak for itself. Most ludicrous of all was 80’s teen heart throb Rick Astley, aka Ond-resh Vee-Ash Bow-Ash coming out and saying ‘’He’s said he didn’t do it, so the matter’s closed’’. I applaud Mini-M(ourinho)e for his calm and reasoned logic, and look forward to his approach to judicial procedures being adopted by legal institutions throughout the world.

Judge: Says here you’ve committed several brutal murders and there’s a stack of evidence to prove that you’re indeed guilty. How do you plead?

Defendant: Not guilty.

Judge: Fair enough. Sorry to have wasted your time chief. Everyone go home, it’s all sorted. Case closed.

Subject to his ‘head being right’, or other equally limp reasons we’re sometimes given for footballers not doing their jobs, alleged abusee Anton Ferdinand and his hoopey friends at quipper will be showing up on our doorstep Sunday afternoon. It won’t be a slap up roast they’ll be after though, oh no, they’ve got a taste for that most rarefied of all the dishes from the top table, of 3 away points, following their unlikely victory over the aforementioned and his deeply unpleasant orkine bretheren.

In all honesty, their victory last week came in the eye of a perfect storm- being (rightly) awarded an early penalty, a disciplinary implosion from a side that are always capable of their snarling physicality spilling over, but rarely going the whole way, followed by a desperate rearguard action (not a reference my own Sunday lunch efforts) to hold on for all 3. Anything less than Hurricane Totters destroying their green shoots of optimism come tea time, and we’ll all be most disappointed. Their form so far suggests they tend to win small or lose big. I have a feeling it could be the latter, and Ade to get back to scoring form. He’s not scored for, like, 4 league games. Don’t give me all that assist and movement rubbish, any more non-scoring and he’s getting an almighty booing. It’s only fair.

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