That’s The Stuff, Tottenham

Oh yes Tottenham, that’s the stuff. That’s the ruddy stuff.

Best result of the season that, all things considered. To lose VdV was a bit of a blow, but to have Modders pull out at the last moments could have potentially been very damaging. Not these days though, in came a passed-fit Jermain Defoe and possibly the only man associated with the club who isn’t over the moon about the form of Captain Combover, our favourite pube-haired Brazilian, Sandro.

The wisest of the pre-match tweets I managed to catch was one calling for patience. As Mulumbu gave both King and Kaboul the ‘oooh, what’s that over there?’, it was to become a mantra. Judging from the reports, it would seem that me and my old man, who’d come round to watch us on a wonky stream, were the only ones to think that being level at half-time was just about fair, as, according to Auntie, we were lucky to not be at least seven down. Blinkered vision aside, the second half was quite the onslaught, with chance after chance going begging; Adebayors 9 attempts on goal being the most from any one player in a Premier League game for 5 and a half years. Rare profligacy then, from a chap whose overall contribution and influence on this side has been so vast, you can forgive him record-breaking levels of fluffery on occasion. The important columns will say that he’s a striker with 4 goals in 2 games and that he’s on fire. Streaky he may be in the finishing stakes at present, but… sleeky, in everything else. Yeah.

And so to Defoe, who’s been subjected to some not always unjust criticism here at ISS, but who was pretty decent on Saturday. I maintain that VdV is the better technician, the better footballer, the one who will make more difference over the course of an entire campaign, so if he’s fit, he should start ahead of, and not with, Defoe. Like Keane before him, VdV has already worked out that the pair of them don’t work together in the same side, but also, that he has something different to offer. If you want someone with a great awareness, technical nous, and the ability to bring others into the game, Defoe will be found wanting all day long. If however, you need a striker to make half a yard of room and tonk a ball really, really hard in the direction of the opposition’s goal, then he’s Jermain man. Like your main man, but jer-main man. Brilliant, eh? Sometimes you need the half a yard and tonk it-type player to start a game. Most of the time you don’t. A tad unfair as that hit was a thing of beauty, and at a time when we were very much in need of making the dominance count, so credit where it’s due... that lay off from Ade was tip-top.

Like a conscientious school nurse, I’m merely nit-picking. The overall display of resilience, patience and, above all, quality, was a joy to behold. Make no mistake fellow spursers, this is no rag-tag bunch of ball kickers putting together ‘a bit of a run’, this is a well drilled, focused, balanced, talented and hard working group with real belief . The #WWWWDWWWWW streak has had a bit of everything, with the trip to the baggies providing a fair summation of what we’ve seen so far. There’s a long way to go, but for the first time in my Spurs conscious lifetime, this lot are on the right road to achieving something a bit good.

Merry flippin’ Christmas, and Happy Birthday to 'I Spurs so', which was a year old on Saturday. How fitting.

Boing Boing At Woy Boy’s Baggie’s

Greetings Hebrews and Shebrews.

Apparently we were quite good on Monday. Apparently? I was there, we WERE good. Perhaps the sensation of winning with no fear of letting it slip caused this out of body, not quite of this world feeling. Being in it but not of it, as Stevie once said. ‘You know that place between sleep and awake? That’s where I’ll always love you’. The calm coursed around the huddled masses like a katamine laced breeze. Is this what it’s like to be a Man United fan?

Luka van der Bale was a joy, as was Kaboul who got in the way of everything, and Adebayor claimed his just reward for the tireless work he’s been putting in every game of his ‘goal drought’. Favourite moment of the night? In the aftermath of our opening goal, Captain Combover and The King, strolling back to their own half, patting each others backs and engaged in focused conversation, while the rest of the young pups celebrated together in the corner. It said it all. It was beautiful.

The boing, boing baggies then? Not so much boing, boing as, you know, something that’s lost its elasticity. Perished underwear lining, or an old persons skin perhaps? Not in a bad way you understand, just, you know, less likely to get relegated. Steady Eddie Woy Boy seems to have forgotten his ‘pool drowning and picked up where he left off at Fulham by bringing in some decent, if unspectacular footballers, and getting them to play ever so slightly above themselves. Their best performances of the season have come in narrow defeats at the hands of United and Chelski on the opening days, which should serve as a warning to those with ideas of walking the walk, that they will be itching to get their hands on the new darlings of the Premier League column fillers, our Hotspurious Gentlemen of Totteringham.

If we are to keep our own catapulted form in flight, we’ll have to keep an eye on the lad Long, who scored in both of WBA’s previously mentioned narrow losses, with  Mulumbu and Odemwingie also appearing as the types of players who would relish showing what they’re made of by getting a goal or two and drinking some of that sweet, sweet reflected media darling nectar. There’ll be no boinging for us should we come up short, just a big ground-thudding comedy ‘zlott!’ and a severely bruised rump.

I reckon we’ll be ok, Lawro’s got us down for a draw after all. Let’s go for 1-3.

Thrilla With The Villa

Anyone see that Valencia v Real Madrid game on Saturday night? Well I’ll be damned if it wasn’t one of the finest pieces of footballing entertainment my kickball weary peepers have seen in a long time. Yes, there was diving and play acting, but transcending that was a game of incredible drama and quality that the EPL is simply incapable of conjuring up. Ronaldo was on a different planet at times, not least in his solo effort that proved to be the winner in Real’s 2-3 win, and Soldado? If he’s even approaching available, he’d improve any side on these shores.

Spurs, of course, will attempt to show off their own brand of quality, and inevitably present a modicum of drama as well tonight, as we take on our 4-4 Thrilla with the Villa opponents from a few seasons back, as the men of Aston roll into town to cross swords with, City aside, the league’s form team. Who, us? Why, yes.

Not sure there’s any doubt that Villa will come for a point by packing the middle and waiting for Darren Bent to run onto something or other. It’s not a whole new approach, but it’s one we’ve had only mild success with in recent times, so we’ll need to have heeded the lessons of the past, and if they’re all fit, it’s the same team that beat Fulham that should be on show. 4-4-2, at home, away or on neutral ground is dinosauric, so no trying to lever Defoe in for this one please.

We should have far too much for them, but McLeish nearly got a point with Birmingham on the final day of last term; only conspiring forces elsewhere forced him to open up and eventually allow us to win it. He’ll be banking on the same master plan tonight, with better players, so we’ll need to be pretty darn good.

Spurs by the odd goal says I, but I’ve come over all Newcastle in the immediate lead up and horribly envisage a point. Hope that’s incorrect.

England- Our Starting 11 For The Euro Finals

Internationals then, so what better time to blurt out some poorly thought out rhetoric on what we should be doing with our national game? For the record, I’m one of many Ingerland fans that have become so sick of the hype and farce that consistently plagues our national game that I actively avoid watching. Well, unless it’s on ITV or something, and the only other offering is ‘Kirstie Weaves Tampons From Her Pubes Then Makes A Balls Up Of Baking a Cake and Acts Like It’s The Worst Thing To Happen Since That Earthquake That Killed Loads Of People’. Maybe then I’ll consider giving them a watch… and even then, I find myself happier when the opposition score. So yeah, not a big fan of the England.

However, in an effort to re-engage wiv the narshnal game, I’m going to offer my two pence worth on what, injuries permitting, the team should be to start the first group game next summer. A lot of my theory is based around what a friend of mine said before the England v USA match; our opening group game in the 2010 World Cup if you’ll recall, when there was a big debate over who should get the nod in goal. While most were championing Green or James, he was convinced it should be Joe Hart, based on the fact that we know what the other 2 can offer, and they’re ‘decent’, but Joe Hart had the potential to be a star and take the tournament by storm, a la Paul Gascoigne 1990 if you like. We all know what happened next, and while Hart might have been lucky in hindsight  not to be associated with the ensuing fiasco, he could equally have been the difference between finishing top or second in the group, meaning we avoided the Germans, full of vim and youthful vigour, who tore us apart. We still wouldn’t have won, but perhaps we’d have done a little better? Also, a huge shift in mentality is needed more than anything, so get the ‘golden generation’ out and freshen up the thinking. My other key assumption is that we’re not good enough to win it, but what a perfect opportunity to restore a bit of pride, and lay the foundations for a side that might one day challenge.

A 4-5-1 formation not only makes sense in terms of our personnel, but when you come up against the better sides, none of them will be employing 2 strikers, and possession in the middle is absolutely vital. If we had Shearer and Owen in top form, there’s a case to be made for 2 forwards, but when Darren Bent’s being considered the best option in the absence of Rooney, less is more in this area.

Finally, as Einstein once said, the definition of insanity is: ‘’doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results’’.

So, for what it’s worth, here’s what I reckon:

Goalkeeper- Joe Hart, Man City. Pretty obvious. He’s not just the only realistic option… Actually, that’s exactly what he is. No debate.

Right Back- Kylie Walker, Totteringhams. A little defensively naïve? Perhaps, but, ya know, whatever. He’s great at bombing on. With the role of the full back having developed into that of an auxiliary winger at the highest level, a season at Spurs under his belt should prepare him nicely for this role in the white of England. Plus, I’ll be putting a couple of defensive midfielders in so he’ll be covered. Don’t worry about it.

Centre Backs- Phil Jones and Chris Smalling, Man U. They’re young, and they’re really good. If they’re good enough as the future of United, they’re good enough for this tournament. Also means the repugnant dog Terry won’t be seen in an England shirt again, a good 80% of the reason I can’t bring myself to support the current lot.

Left back- Ashley Cole, Chelski. Yes, he’s a deeply unpleasant human being as well, and features somewhere in the remaining 20% of reasons to dislike the current side, but he’s a brilliant left back, of that there can be little argument. Perhaps with a little more responsibility keeping the rest of them in order, knowing this could be his final hurrah, he could come back a national hero without wasting money on Max Clifford’s services.

Defensive Midfielder 1- Jack Wilshere, The Goonies. *shudder* Can’t bring myself to eulogise too much but tenacity, ability to push on, clever ‘recycling’ of possession… Unfortunately, he’s just really good at football and could play this role for years to come *chokes on own vomit*. Besides, he’ll be helped through by the magnificent…

Defensive Midfielder 2 and CAPTAIN- Lord Scott Parker aka Captain Combover of Hotspurshire. He’s 30 with about 4 caps, but we all know that’s not the full story. He’s everything that the England team should embody- hard working, honest, family man, clean cut, black boots, no-nonsense tackling, lion hearted, with total commitment to the shirt. Without wanting to slip too deeply into Harry parody, if this guy was the figurehead of the side, wouldn’t it make getting behind this lot a far more pleasant experience? A slight bias perhaps, but if he replicates his club form in the summer, I defy any football fan not to fall in love. He does have REALLY nice hair as well.

Right (not wing) Midfield- Ashley Young, Man U. Predominantly left-sided perhaps, but such a good, clever player that we can use him here. I was tempted to put Beckham in (no foolies), what with him probably still being the most technically gifted English player about, but I’m going for slight-tongue-in-cheek, and that might just take me into the realms of full on parody.

Left (not wing) Midfield- Adam Johnson, Man C. Young, fast and good at football. Let him at ‘em. If Beckham plays (I’m talking myself into this), play Young here.

Free role behind the lone forward- Stevie Gerrard, Liverpiddle. Hang on, what was that you were saying about the golden generation being tinned? Hear me out, we’re in baby and bathwater territory now. Unlike all of the others, Gerrard has never performed to his very best at international level. He's threatened to ‘do it’ on a number of occasions, but never quite made it, and one theory is that it’s the result of him constantly being dropped behind 2 forwards. He’s not disciplined enough to play right, left or centre, and ‘do a job’, but that doesn’t make him a bad player- just an enigma, and this solves it. The best period of his career, arguably, was playing a support/free role for a livewire forward, Torres, and this boy is too talented to not be given a fair crack at being the attacking fulcrum of what will be a brave young side.

One up top- Daniel Sturridge, Chelski. We’ve tried Defoe, Bent, Crouch and a cavalcade of others, and while they’ll fairly point to goals-per-games, top-level experience and all that jazz, they’ve had enough time to prove conclusively that they’re just not that great. Not bad, but they don’t have that something special that separates the Darren Bent’s from the David Villa’s of this world. Sturridge just might. He's super raw, but has already displayed enough of that magic to warrant a go in this fantasy fledgling side.

As for the rest of the squad, while I’m theoretically tempted to leave out Rooney, what with him being an interminable twit and all, if I was Fabio, faced with this real life decision, there’s no way I could leave him behind… but if Sturridge does the business, ol’ pluggy can sit it out. Cahill, Richards, Gibbs, (Ledley?), Ferdinand as defensive cover, Milner, Agbonlahor, Rodwell and Wellbeck  thrown in? Andy Carroll? I dunno, hadn’t thought this far ahead and frankly, I'm already out of my depth.

Expect to see Lampard, Barry and Terry all starting.

But what do you think?

Another Win: Thoughts on Our Opening 10

Seriously, how many more ways of saying ‘unspectacular, but job done’ are there?

Not one for a recovering heart surgery patient this, but we were resilient and gritty in the face of a pretty determined opponent; the moments of quality from the first half and a bit of outrageous fortune at the death (Defoe’s deflection, not young Kylie’s ‘handball’) meant it was another one of those where the score line didn’t tell the whole story, to coin that oft-pedalled cliché. Or any of it really. If the score line was made into a book, it would have read ‘once, 2 teams played football and one of them won 3-1. The end’. I can’t see it bothering the upper reaches of the Amazon bestsellers list, but you know what, even if the whole thing was eulogised over, it can’t all be Dickens. I’ll take a bit of Spot the Dog away from home. But then we’ve only been Shakespearean in small doses throughout the season, and we eventually need to be penning a few more classics to be contenders… but then even the wordsmiths’ of City succumbed to the Fulham scribes, so we can’t complain too much. Where was I?

Lovely goal from Lenny, even if he did fade in the second half, and young Bareth seems to be re-discovering the form he was showcasing all over Europe this time last year. Special mention to BBB who deservedly got the prestigious sky viewers man of the match award. If that’s what yoga and pilates can do for you into your forties, you’ll forgive me if I invest in lycra, smoke some peace candles, and change my name to ‘Tree’.

With the internationals set to step into the limelight over the next couple of weeks, what are your thoughts on how our opening 10 games have gone? Personally, I’m delighted at how we’ve recovered from those first 2, but still unconvinced by our level of performance, and think we’ve been the benefactors of a general downturn in the quality of the ‘lesser’ lights of the Premier League. Away wins at Wolves, Wigan, Blackburn and now Fulham have been fantastic, but I can’t help but feel we’ve not been as stretched as we might have been in previous visits. Or perhaps we really are more resilient? Indeed, I can’t think of any real ‘shocks’ so far, with the exception of Blackburn v Arsenal, but then both sides were playing terribly at the time, and the margin of victory reflected how it could have been either one of them cocking it up by the end. A creditable draw for Fulham against Man City is the only other stand-out that springs to mind of a ‘mid-table’ team raising their game. Newcastle, or, more-than-the-sum-of-their-parts United, with a squad of comparable individuals to those they’re meant to be competing with, have gone back to basics and found a way of getting past the less spectacular sides, to become the most spectacular of them all. A little thought and a lot of effort that the others have been unable to match. What do you reckon?

Is The Redknapp Heart Surgery Story a Cover Up For The Court Case?

Unverified of course, but this was posted by 'Steve' on the last blog not half an hour ago:

''here's another more worrying debate. apparently harry is due in court this week (mandaric has already been in over last 2 weeks), over tax evasion.
there's an injunction out while they're appealing it. but the word is that there's a real chance of a prosecution.
really hope this isnt true. but it's widely known this court case was imminent. apparently HMRC want to make an example and go for the full punishment.

he's 'coincidently' got a medical problem this week.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/15549314.stm


this would be bigger than lasagne-gate. we're playing so well at the moment, i'd hate for it to be jeopardised due to what went on at portsmouth! ''

My sentiments exactly, let's hope this is nothing more sinister than a minor op.