Transfer Rubbish 2011 Part One (of too many)

What-ho!

Goodness me, we’ve only just got our noses through June’s door, and there’s already been enough chatter, hot air, Chinese whispers and laughable embellishment to make a WI sewing circle blush.

From non-descript forums telling us that some bloke from Bolton has been placing ‘five-figure sums’ on ol’ ‘arry to be the next numero… one at Stamford Bridge, to translation with a slant from Croatia’s Premier daily rag (It’s a Croatian newspaper! Luka is Croatian! It MUST all be true! Why would they lie?!) that Modders will be clearing his locker at The Lodge and leaving fruit baskets for all the pals he can’t wait to run away from, we’ve had some lovely stuff to contemplate, cogitate and digest in the form of micro-blog twit poo’s. *In John Anderson off Gladiators voice* Angry tweeters! You will spew forth on my first whistle. Pragmatists! You will attempt to add reason to proceedings on my second whistle. The rest of you, respond like residents of South Park being asked your opinion on the town’s flag (too obscure???). Three, two, one…

On the Harry stuff, I had an eye witness account from INSIDE Tottenham, that the day prior to all the odds tumbling, Harry had a meeting with ‘Dan’. I am THAT well connected! Not the most sizzling ITK you’ll ever here, but nonetheless, there was confirmed contact, which started the rusty head cogs turning once all the rumours started coming out. Transfer targets or managerial future being the main discussion? As long as it wasn’t anything to do with selling Luka. If it was, I’d like to think of it as being item uno on the agenda, under the title of ‘Things to avoid doing if we want to sell any tickets next year’. Just waiting on newsnow for the lazy, Championship Manager overdose inspired ‘Berba plus cash’ headlines to start. *Checks newsnow. Dies*

Elsewhere, the codneys at FIFA have done it again. It was a nail biter wasn’t it? Was he going to win by 180 votes to nil, or 181 votes to nil? I couldn’t take my eyes off it. Also, BBC, corruption in FIFA is a very legitimate and worthy use of half an hour of prime time viewing, but if you’re going to do investigative Panorama exposés into it, how about you spare us the tourettes riddled old buzzard and employ somebody with a little more presence and reason than a mad uncle. Cheers yeah.

So has Brad Freidel signed then? I can’t bear to look on the official site to check, lest I get ambushed by the endless ‘Opening New Daws’ or ‘Will To Win For Gallas’ headlines that will inevitably cause instant ear haemorrhaging. Not the marquee signature we’re all longing for but a solid edition, knows the English game, other generic ‘looking-on-the-bright-side’ related comment. Welcome.