You Know It’s A Special Kind Of Terrible When You Make Rosicky Look Like Ronaldo

Remember playing left? Good, get back there.

Dear oh dear, where to start with this shambles? It’s a game many of us, including yours truly, just couldn’t see us losing. Where was their threat going to come from? Aside from the Dutchman, what on earth could they possibly have to hurt us with? Walcott, Arteta and Rosicky? Is that it? I laugh in the face of your strongest midfield personnel mr frenchie, you think that lot can out-work and break through Parker and Sandro? Oh, Sandro isn’t playing? Oh well, he must be injured. He isn’t? Oh well there must be a bloody good reason why he’s not there though. Still, there’s enough in the middle to handle that. 4-4-2? Ooooh, is it the 70’s again already? How retro.

0-1-          Great start. Haha, look at Sneezy trying to get it! Look at his Rick Astley hair. He’s funny. Maybe 4-4-2 has a future?

0-2-          Christ, how has this happened? We’re getting over run and playing pretty poorly. Thank jiminy for Modders who’s doing everything. Oh well, that’s what good teams do isn’t it? 2 up away from home and playing far from vintage stuff. Shouldn’t that have been a red card? Meh, we’ll walk this anyway. Just wait ‘til we get going, this could be a memorable pasting. Emotionless celebrations. Getting the job done.

1-2-          Yeah, least they’ve deserved, really.

2-2-          Hard to argue with that. We’re probably a bit lucky it’s level to be honest.

HT Subs- Oh. Sandro. Why weren’t you on from the start? And Rafa, 4 in 3 against this lot, big game player, you’re fit too? OK, well this is a bit more like it, let's sweep that mess under the carpet and start again. That rocket they’ve had at half time and something approaching correct personnel should see us home now. Let’s just hope we haven’t lost all momentum and 15 minutes is enough to set this team up with proper instructions.

3-2-          Is that Ronaldo, here on loan in a red shirt? Oh no, it’s Tomas Rosicky, we just seem to have lost the ability to track runners or remember how to follow instructions. Anyone got any dosh to buy this lot a naffing clue for the rest of the game?  Sort it out, we’re better than this, and we’re better than this lot as well.

4-2-          Walcott? Seriously?

5-2 -     Walcott? Seriously?

Some other observations that I can’t be bothered to construct paragraphs out of. Gareth- stop reading your own press, get out on the left and stay there. Harry- relay those exact instructions to him, please, and take some of it on board yourself… about the press I mean, not playing out left. Oh, and NEVER play 4-4-2 EVER again. It’s outdated, prehistoric and simply embarrassing to think that you can pick your way through an albeit shoddy, but technical midfield 5. You’ve been brilliant for us, nobody could argue that, but your selections yesterday had us on the back foot from the start and cost us a routine victory. We went 2 up, you say? We lost by 3 because there was zero cohesion from start to finish in a game that we should have comfortably won.

A 13 point gap would have sent us into next week’s home dust up against United with a bit of swagger and knowing that the dropping of a couple or even all 3 points wouldn’t have been a disaster. As it is, tightened up and desperate for all 3, we could find ourselves with just a 4 point cushion as the wanderers and chelski have very winnable games. Let’s not let this derail or detract from what has been a fantastic season, and respond in a manner befitting the overall pattern of the campaign. They’ll only beat us if this one performance paves the way for an embarrassing collapse. Let’s not let that happen.