Ingerlands World Cup Biddage

I'll scratch your back...

At approximately 15:00 GMT today, England will learn whether its World Cup bid has been a David Success-ham or a David Flop-ham. Tenuous? You’d better believe it.

In our world cup package is the promise of delivery of a new

White Hart Lane

(there’s your link you greedy Spursers!) or Olyham United Stadium and a few more surprise packages to boot. A 60k arena in Plymouth and Milton Keynes? Will tumbleweed excluders come fitted as standard?

It was thought that the Russians were the favoured bid, but as I type this, it’s the Ingerland bid that’s favourite with the bookies. I don’t buy into all the ‘football’s comin’ ‘ome’ guff any more than FIFA do, it’ll be based on who can prove they’ll make the most money and look after the delegates and its sponsors better than the rest, but it’s been said since day one that we’re the only bidding nation that could deliver a World Cup tomorrow, and so it would seem that the tax breaks, the ‘mature market’, and the relative ease of it all outweigh any ‘hard-hitting corruption’ allegations of Monday nights Panic-rama.

Did anyone else see this twaddle? I have absolutely no doubt that these blaggards have been taking bungs for years, but to unleash a mental old BBC owl onto our telly’s, armed only with an excel spreadsheet that a 9 year-old could have knocked up, and some footage of him shouting at people from hotel gates? Not the conclusive, hard-hitting proof we were lead to believe it was going to be.

The thought of cosying up to these bent turds is truly sickening, but it would appear that, for the time being at least, we won’t be doing any nose cutting to spite our bids. Is there more concrete evidence that will be buried if football does come ‘ome? Call me an old cynic, but I wouldn’t doubt it.

Another conspiracy theory you say? With eminent Chelski owner and Russian bid cheerleader, Roman Abramovich out for votes, does anyone else think it’s strange that an African backroom coach, with minimal coaching credentials, suddenly becomes assistant manager at the reigning Premier League champions just weeks before the vote? More wild accusations and unfounded nonsense coming up…