Smell My Cheese You Chelski Mothers!

Blue None sir?

Can I shock you? I hate Chelski fans more than Gooners.

I’ll let that sink in for a minute.

OK to move on?

Good. I do specifically mean ‘fans’ of course, as an institution the boys from Abramovich World Cup Investments Inc’ don’t come close to those from the Ashburton Lego Towers, but their away ‘support’ really are some of the most deplorable life forms you could ever wish to encounter.

A particularly unsavoury moment before last seasons game saw a few of their minions deployed down Park Lane to rile up the natives of quality drinking establishment, ‘The Olive’, before their, to use an appropriately proletariat phrase, ‘top boys’, were sent in minutes later, sending in showers of bottles, bins (!) and various other missiles. There were kids standing outside with their Dads, but hey, not to worry. Not a policeman in sight of course, but drink a can of Fosters on the pavement outside the pub and watch 10 of them set on you like you’d just killed their Mum. Not that I would do such a thing of course (Mum killing or public drinking), merely an observation… but that’s all beside the point.

They smelt our cheese that day, in defeat and in a failed title challenge. It was a sweet, sweet victory.

With that out of the way, the books say that Chelski haven’t won at ‘Three Point Lane’ since the 05/06 season, with 3 wins and a draw in the meantime for the Totters. Sundays game see’s Chelski arrive in arguably the worst shape they’ve ever been in since they were founded back in 2003 (stolen gag, but it’s a good’un). No domestic wins in a month, losing and drawing 2, and a CL defeat on Wednesday having already secured top spot in their group. Despite Father of the Year, Jonathan Terrance, doing his best to rally the troops, he of all people will not be looking forward to visiting at Sunday lunchtime. We on the other hand haven’t lost in that same time frame and are riding a wave of optimism having secured top spot in our group at the first time of asking. Keep telling us we’re going to embarrass ourselves/crash out in the next round, it seems to be doing the trick of keeping us focused.

The Chelski house is rocking on its foundations, so let’s, transformers style, merge into a massive f**kin wrecking ball and smash it to bits.

The team picks itself again, Mods in for Jenas the only significant change from Tuesday I’d have thought. The option of calling on VdV would be a welcome one but if we can get a leash on Malouda and Essien, we’ll have the beating of them. It’ll be noisy at home, so don’t give them a minute to settle and get the first goal… and don’t forget to f**kin run about a bit.

More details to be found on that clipboard next to the tactical briefing manual.